Murakami and Loss

    In Tony Takitani, Tony lives the whole beginning of his life without any sense of loneliness. “He found it natural to be by himself. It was a kind of premise for living,” (179) writes Murakami. He describes Tony as a person who is comfortable in solitude and, in fact, prefers it. It is not until Takitani meets the “quiet girl who wore a gentle smile” (181) that he suddenly senses an emptiness in his own life. “They never seemed to tire of talking to each other, as if they were filling up each other’s emptiness” and with her arrival in his life, “his solitude became a crushing weight” (182). 

A common theme in Murakami’s writing is perceived loss of something that is not essential in the individual’s life until they realize it’s possible to have it. In Drive My Car, Kafuku notes that his relationship with his wife was “most compatible” (17). However, he feels a profound sense of loss because of the side of her he was never able to know. Kafuku, knowing his wife was having affairs prior to her death, describes the slow loss he felt due to the stress her secrets put on their relationship, saying “In the end, though, I lost her. Gradually, in the beginning, then completely” (32). Had Kafuku not known his wife was having an affair, he wouldn’t have struggled with the initial feelings of loss. However, because he knew something was going on, he felt her slipping away from him. He even says that the loss of his wife must have been easier for him than for his wife’s lover because he was able to see the whole process of her death. However, the secrets that remained unresolved between him and his wife remain with him much longer than any other aspect of the loss. 

Another example from Drive My Car was the loss of their newborn child. The newborn child is another example of loss of something someone didn’t have before which they didn’t realize was essential in their life until they recognize its absence. The baby lived “only three days” (18), before it died, leaving Kafuku and his wife in a “dark, heavy void” (19) as they dealt with the loss. 

Through these facets, Murakami explores how we process loss and what ephemeral/intangible aspects of our lives can have profound effects on us. Often, the things we lose are things we never knew we had to worry about losing. Before Tony met his wife, he didn’t know he could feel so much pain due to the absence of companionship. In fact, he didn’t even need it until he found her. Before Kafuku and his wife had the opportunity to have a child, they didn’t realize how much it would hurt them not to have it. Before Kafuku realized there were parts of his wife he would never know, he didn’t know how hard it would be to release those parts of her after she died. 

Natalia Kelley